Aidpage

Hello, I am The Homeless Housewife

I am thrilled you are here. Please take a few minutes to look around.

You can read my (very true) story by scrolling down just a little.  Be sure to visit my blog, and links and don't forget to shop at the store. All proceeds go towards the cause of getting women & their children to avoid homelessness and to remain or regain a home.The HPRP ( Homeless Prevention Rapid Rehousing) program was defined to assist families under the poverty level facing homelessness.  Over the last two years my family was denied 9 times by the various Santa Barbara agencies in charge of these funds.  We were not denied because we didn't qualify.......

On the contrary, please read on...... 

It is December 2011

I am a homeless housewife...and here’s my story............

but, before you read, I would like to take a moment to say this...

There are a number of nonprofit homeless outreach programs that do so much

research,  statistic collecting, fundraising, advocating, storytelling and promising....

yet nobody follows through with actual assisting.

My family and I have been homeless for over one and a half years now.....

Yet nobody can tell by looking at us...We don’t act, dress, or smell the part. You won’t find us panhandling, or flagging signs.  You won’t catch us squatting next to the 7-11 with three open containers. 

It may be due to the fact that we don’t hang out at the shelters. You know the ones that house 100s of the stereotypical homeless Santa Barbara locals that randomly get put on the cover of our local weekly paper a hand clutched to a 1/2 pint of $1.75 booze.

In retrospect, we look for work, go to school, go to the grocery store, get gas, walk through the mall, and drive in cars....

...just like 98% of the population.  We walk, talk and act just like everyone else. You may have walked right past us and not even known it.  We are actors, invisible, like chameleons.  We have the tendency to blend right in, not on purpose, or to trick or fool you. Simply because that is who we are. We hold onto every shred of dignity and pride that we have left....

because essentially that is all we have left....

That is ....our dignity,.... and an 8x12 foot storage locker that contains ethereal memories of our past.  Memories of a three bedroom, two bath structure that we once lovingly referred to as ‘home’.  Memories that tend to fade more and more each day, the longer and longer we go without a roof over our heads.

Most likely that storage locker is now double pad locked by the storage company due to nonpayment, with penalties and late fees that have accumulated into astronomical amounts overnight, with no rhyme or reason, making it nearly impossible to keep.

A storage locker that holds every last bit of our worldly possessions.  And, though these belongings were once taken for granted, they now represent everything in this world that we hold dearly.  They hold reminiscences of our childhood, of our children growing up, of our marriage, of our divorce, bittersweet memories, happy times, and trying times.

But then somehow we come to a realization.  These items that remain holed up in that dark and dingy locker just don’t mean that much to us anymore.

We would rather fill our tummies, or pay for the comforts of a cheap motel room, than keep paying for that locker.  So we start to sell off these items one at a time.  First we sell the old overstuffed armchair that nobody really sat on anyways, next  the kitchenware, dishes, pots & pans, and finally our heirlooms, and jewelry from Grannie that we vowed to pass on to our children’s children one day.

We garage sale our belongings, craigslist them, we even EBay and Amazon our personal possessions.  

And we do this in hopes of a miracle; a simple wish that remains ungranted, 

a wish to go ‘Home’.

See, there are many homeless individuals like me...

We will remain invisible. Not because we choose to, but for a variety of reasons.  We are the unseen.  Perhaps it is due to our pride, or ego. It could be because we haven’t shown up on television or radio shows.  You won’t find us on any 'Most Wanted' posters, we are not red flagging ourselves, and we do everything in our power to remain under the radar.

Maybe it’s because we don’t speak up enough, or we are too timid or ashamed or frightened to speak up.  It could be because we are not belligerent drunks who, like a billboard, advertise their obnoxiousness for the entire world to view. We are not hooked on prescription pills, or booze.  We don’t self-medicate with street drugs and we do not sling dope to all of our friends.

Though we have made every effort to seek assistance, we are unsuccessful.  We apply at one, two, three...perhaps even to every single agency that advertise their services.  The only result we get is rejection, denial and...

”Sorry, we can’t help you.”

“You don’t make enough money.”

“You make too much money.”

“You were too late in applying.”

“You need to come back again next month.”

“Well, you do have a car to sleep in, don’t you?”  

“Oh, it’s warm enough to sleep outside.”

So, essentially we get passed over by agencies and remain not helped, not assisted, but instead we get rejected by every '”homeless advocate” agency in town...

And these agencies do not offer alternative solutions for us.  Instead, they allow us to walk out their door with utter defeat and no solution to this epidemic disease we refer to as indigence.  After a while we become accustomed to their rejection, and simply start to accept the word ‘No’.   And we shuffle away with our heads a little lower, with no argument, or defiance.

We start to believe that we are unworthy of public assistance and housing programs.  We even get rejected by the shelters.  

We hear, “Your children are too young to stay here. They will be influenced negatively by the older homeless men.”

Or on the other hand we hear, “Your children are too old. They will influence the younger children.”

So, while the pot-bellied drunks get clothed, fed, and housed nightly, my family remains parked on some dark side street in 30-degree winter weather with pillows and a blanket, shivering our asses off all night.  We don’t really sleep while we are parked out there in your neighborhood, because, believe it or not, we are more afraid of being seen or of getting caught breaking the law since it is illegal for people in California to sleep in their cars on streets.

We lay awake worrying about being harassed by people on the streets or ticketed by police.  We lay awake wondering when this nightmare will end.  Where will we get our next meal, and where will we go to the bathroom next.  Where will we park unnoticed at daybreak, and where can we sneak into for our next shower without being recognized.  We stay awake and worry about these things because in Santa Barbara the law states that if you sleep in your vehicle while parked on a public roadway or parking lot, the police can roust you.  They can even nab you for vagrancy, & they will require an actual mailing address, proof of employment, and so on.

Heaven forbid we happen to get a citation for not wearing a seat belt.  And, though we send in a written testimony in defense, it gets rejected, and we are found guilty.  Then the citation turns into an added failure-to-appear infraction and that infraction goes to warrant, simply because we did not have the means to pay for the original no-seat belt citation.  Then that warrant is reported to the Department of Motor Vehicles, and in turn, the DMV suspends our driver’s license.

At this point, we really never fall asleep at night because just by the simple action of sitting behind the wheel of our car, we have become lawbreakers and criminals.  And when the police finally catch up with us, we get a real treat.  Not only do they cite us…  (Again), but now they are mandated by law to impound our vehicle for no less than 30 days.  We are left standing on the side of the road, with a bewildered look of...

"Did that really just happen?!?”

and we question the fact that it is perfectly legal for the civil servants of our community to take away our car & only shelter and what is left of our personal possessions & the rest of our dignity.

We become accustomed to that dark cloud that refuses to dissipate from above our head.  We don’t want to be noticed, so...we remain the unseen homeless...victims of circumstance, who damn well make sure we do not portrait anything but the quintessential perfect family to any unsuspecting onlooker. Because hell will freeze over before anyone discovers our dark, dirty little secret.  We have been passed over repeatedly, with not even a blink.

But we want you to know, we are right outside your door.

And though you sit in your cozy little house with your cozy little cat, your Sunday paper, and your bunny slippers, we need you to realize that you may be next.

They say that the only thing that is sure is that nothing is sure.

So, take heed, and do not take your comfort for granted because in an instant, your world can change.

One more piece of advice…

If you seek assistance from your local homeless service providers, one thing is certain... 

You will REMAIN homeless.

I am The Homeless Housewife.  Please feel free to email me with any comments or suggestions at  HomelessHousewife@Hotmail.com

No Help for women you have to lose your eyes and half killed so you can get help from any organization thats out there.. I was  a stay at home mother for 20 years.. wanted out from a controlling man. and abusive verbally to myself and the kids on a daily basis... No money.. no job period..nobody to turn to useless you have been beaten to death. Divorce is not good..but I just couldnt deal with this on a day to day basis... Why isnt there anything out there for women? displaced housewife no career except wiping running noises.. lost everything but not going let it get me down.. Hey the only way is up

The very best introduction to the subject is this recently published article on msn. Read and be warned!

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/LearnToBudget/7SurefireWaysToStayPoor.aspx

For resources on frugal living, please visit:

http://frugalliving.about.com/

http://www.stretcher.com/money/index.cfm

http://www.livingonadime.com/index.html

These resources will be enough for you to get a flying start, if that is what you wish: - )!

Now down to the daily basics, the money saving tips that I have found helpful and try to practise every day:

a. I generally use M U C H less meat and poultry than before. I cook minced meat and chicken and freeze them in 1 cup portions, enough for one meal. It is very handy to throw in a vegetable stew or a gratin.

In stead of fresh or frozen fish, I now use canned tuna. One can is enough to make a big bowl of tuna salad AND a giant tuna- and potato-gratin!

b. I have increased the amount of vegetables I serve at meals, as side dishes, as these are relatively cheap where I live. We also have two or three mainly vegetarian meals a week. If canned vegetables are cheaper than fresh produce, we use the canned alternative!

c. For sandwich toppings, we have almost entirely gone from cheese and cold meat to sliced tomatoes or cucumbers with parsley! If you want to use cheese or cold meat, put them in a salad and serve on top of bread. It makes it go much farther! Some rice or cubed boiled potatoes in your chicken- or tuna-salad will make it go even farther!

d. Make your weekly/bi-weekly menu from items that are on sale in your low-price store!

e. Use what you have at home.

f. Buy only exactly what you need to get by the next one or two weeks! If you are short on money, don't fill your cupboards with food, even if it is on sale! If your child gets ill at night, 35 tuna cans in your cupboard will not help you, but cash in your pocket will!!!

g. Mix more expensive food with cheaper food items, to go farther! Make casseroles, gratins, patties, salads, stews and the like.

h. Change the ingredients in the recipe to cheaper ones. In stead of sausages, you can use canned meat. In stead of hamburgers, make vegetable croquettes. In stead of sending fruit in the brown lunch bag, put in a carrot. In stead of whole meat, use minced meat...

i. Choose food that gives a lot of taste for little money. When you live frugally for a prolonged period of time, it is very important that the food is not only cheap but also tasty! Use garlic, chili pepper, onions, leeks, bell peppers, cabbage, cans, anchoves, tuna, sardines, carrots, cottage cheese, herbs, parsley, dill - and don't forget the spices!!!

j. Take care to make nicer food with simpler ingredients. Try potato-puffs (deep fried balls of potato mash rolled in breadcrumbs) in stead of the usual French fries. Put meatballs and vegetables on scewers over the bowl of pasta. Decorate sandwiches and food nicely, before serving!

k. An easy and cheap way to create variation in your menu, especially when it is based on simple ingredients, is to use different vegetables as side dishes, use various dips and sauces, use a wide variety of spices and herbs, use various cans (when they are on sale), to cook the food with various methods and in various containers (ovensafe pan, oven plastic bags, aluminium foil packages, microwave pot, individual ovensafe pans - one for each portion) and to serve the food in different ways (buffet, sit-down dinner, wraps, TV-dinner, picnic, on the balcony, in the dining room, on the lawn) and with different sorts of bread or other dishes to go along with it! - And don't forget breakfast on the bed: - )!!! - For variation, and to make a meal more filling, serve various entrees before the main dish. It could be as simple as three small sandwiches to fill you up so that you can save a little on the fish or meat... A light meal can also be completed with a dessert.

l. Portion out the main dish on plates for each family member. Let them serve themselves of side dishes and starches. - Also freeze, for one meal at the time, any food that can be frozen, including vegetables and milk! Store dry food away from easily accessible places. Don't fill the refrigerater and expect it to stay full (especially if you have teen-age children at home)! Divide the food in plastic boxes and freeze away from the immediate grab-and-go of your children. That goes for leftovers too! - Also portion out shampoo, by pouring some in an empty bottle and mix it with some water. Put away the original bottle until it is time to refill.

m. Serve water with meals. Use the milk for the cerals. Eat fruit in stead of drinking juice. Skip all sodas except for special occasions.

n. Put up a clothes line in your bathroom, over the tub, and let each family member dry his towel on it after showering. At least in my family, this has saved us lots of washing! From being used to have three full loads of washing every day, we now have one machine load every two or three days! - We save water, electricity, detergent - and time!

o. Gather all your discarded clothes and use some time to cut them into rags. Put them where you are likely to use them, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the garage, in your shoe-cupboard. It saves time and paper towels!

p. Save all used school supplies, like the ends of pencils, erasers, scissors, glue and the like in an easily accessible box in the kitchen, near the phone or in the children's room. Then you will never have to look for a pen again. And you don't have to buy any new ones.

q. Never throw away any food. Make Japanese lunch boxes, so called Bento boxes. These have many small boxes inside a bigger one, so that it is easy to put many small leftovers together and add a few veggies or a home-made Japanese rice ball with filling (another use for leftovers)! The whole idea of Bento is to use many different things in one meal and to make the food look beautiful!

r. Save on cooking gas by using the micro. It usually takes much less time too. To save yourself from sticky pots, cook rice in the microwave oven (in a glass casserole for microwave use) - the result becomes perfect every time, you don't have to guard it nor stir it, and the pot comes out... clean!

s. This is a provocative suggestion, but I still stick with it! It saves time, water and soap... and your nerves as well. Use paper plates and cups for meals, especially if you are tired (after supper) or don't have time to clean up directly after the meal (going to work after breakfast). If it can make you happy, use disposable ovensafe aluminium pans or plastic bags for oven use! Bake your food in aluminium foil to save on cleaning!

t. Bake your own bread. Now, you tell me, you don't have the time nor the energy for that! Neither had I for many years. Then I learned this on the internet!!! It is so simple you can make it in your sleep (but please don't)!

First of all, keep your food processor on the counter top at all times. Use it to mix the dough. Don't for any reason mix it by hand, you will want this to be so simple and effortless that you can make it every day!!! Keep it simple!!!

As soon as the dough is mixed, put the bowl (if it is microwave safe) in the microwave oven. Put the heat on just below defrost. Put the timer to one minute. Open and see if the dough has risen enough. If not, give it another half minute.

Take out the dough and put it on the counter top, knead it quickly and cut it in parts. (Dough made on one kg of flour will make 8-16 pieces.)

Put the buns on a greased baking tray. The dough does not need to rise a second time, unless the dough is very heavy (like if you use rye).

Bake buns in 225 degrees Celsius (450 degrees F) for about 10 minutes or until golden and feel dry when you knock on them.

u. Don't buy anything, if you can get it for free (without stealing, lying or cheating)! See if you can exchange favours, home repairs, cooked meals, baby sitting, play dates, car pooling, bulk purchases with your firends or relatives or colleagues. The things that you don't need anymore may come in handy to someone else. The same goes for their discarded things. This goes for clothes, toys, utensils, books, garden tools, magazines, newspapers...

v. Read the newspaper in the coffee room at work (during your brake!) or at the library.

w. Read the newspaper, your favourite magazines, comics, reviews etc online. Use everything that is free on the internet: games, music, movies and TV series, online crossword puzzles, logic games, quizzes, jigsaw puzzles, hobby sites and forums, DIY advice and online cookbooks. Once you have paid the monthly bill for the internet, you will have a cornucopia of entertainment and information at home, 24/7.

x. The money that you save, use it wisely. Save some but spend on things that are vital to you and your family, like healt insurance, put aside an emertgency fund. Alot a monthly sum of money per person in the household for entertainment purposes to spend individually. Decide what is to be included in this sum, for example purchases of clothes, make up, magazines, eating out and so on. If you want to be frugal for a prolonged period of time, you will need some relaxation. The difference between a frugal person and one who isn't, is that the frugal person decides what is truly valuable and important for himself and focuses his spending on that, while another person is less intentional with his money and easily becomes a victim of what others tell him to do with his money (advertisements, peer pressure, a wish to be "like everybody else"). A frugal person gets good value for the money he spends, because he chooses to spend his money on what truly makes him happy. - As for me, I like to go to the mall once in a while, have a Chinese meal and read a book while I eat it. That is my way to rest. I could also take a walk by the sea or in the market, buy some sunflower seeds and sit at the sea and eat them. I can have both comfort and convenience at home!!! But sometimes I like the change of air...

y. Use a card for your mobile phone in stead of an open account. It will make you think twice before you make a call and make sure you only make the ones that are really necessary.

z. Make a budget. Review it every month and make necessary changes as your situation changes. Be flexible but clear about where to put your money. It is absolutley vital that the most important bills, like rent, get paid first!!! Use the envelope system to make sure that money is enough throughout all the month!!!

http://frugalliving.about.com/od/moneymanagement/ht/Envelope_System.htm

I know there are so many posts on this site and it's hard to know what is real and what isn't. I'm not here to take advantage of anoyone....I simply am asking for help.  I  am an honest stay at home mom of 3 children and have made some mistakes of trying to start a home based business.  One of them is costing me dearly.  In the last two years, a home based business I started almost put us into bankruptcy and we almost lost our home.  My husband and I are trying really hard to overcome this obstacle...he has increased his hours at work and I am trying to figure out every way possible to bring in extra income.  Right now, we are so tight with money that even a $1.00 would make a difference.  If you can help please contact me at klpegg71@yahoo.com (also email used for papal) and I will give back to others in return when I get back on my feet.  Thanks for your time, Karen

Mother of one daughter and another on the way. married for three years

Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a 29 yr old mother of 3 in Killeen Texas. I am married to a very wonderful man who works very hard. Unfortunately working hard doesn't always help. We are getting evicted early next week and really need help. I have contacted as many government agencies that I could and unfortunately none of them could help us at this time. I realize that there are people who have it worse than I do and they may need your help more and so I appriciate anything anyone can do for us. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Four year ago when we had got married, we never thought that our life we'll be a never ended struggle, and now in this struggle we will lost everything  and now we are going to loss our life also.........there is only a miracle can save our life.

We, I and my husband started a business, for that purpose we have taken a loan but unfortunately we had lost everything. We are trying from last 3 years to overcome from this problem but the problem is going to be severe day by day. During this period we had lost so many precious thing i.e. I go through 3 miscarriages , our sweet home, social status and above all our last hope my husband job which is the last source of earning .  For searching a new job he has gone out of country but there too, he is not getting any earning source. Now we are separated and struggling for single day bread.  We don’t have a penny to start again.  Now we have only few breaths to take.  If we don’t get help from any one, we will be forced to commit suicide, but we want to live.  We required $ 80,000 for a new start.  We know this is the big amount but if many people contribute it will help us and can’t create problem to anyone. We will try our best to return your money when the situation will be favorable    

There is a humble request to all of you as a last hope.............may be your a little bit of help save two life.

Hello to all !!!

I am writing to everyone who might happen to read this,with a desperate plea of HELP.I've been married to my husband for 4 yrs and we have one daughter,she's turning 4 this yr.And we;ve been laid off from job for quite some time now and we are both actively looking for a job,but unfortunately nothing came up yet.We are currently living with my husband's mother for more almost 3 yrs. now and we share one bedroom together.(me,my husband&my daughter)It is very difficult having to deal with this kind of situation.I've been through a lot of difficult times and it just made me stronger person.I take these moments of hardships each day with hope and prayers that somebody out there is watching over me and my family.We have no income and we barely make it through with the help of some relatives and food stamp.We got nothing but our good hearts that we are willing to do this and reach out to all of you who can feel our burden.Thank God that my family has no health problems but only financial shortcomings.That is why I am asking help to all of you and the rest of the world....I want to go to school to study and that requires money.i would like to take CNA Course it would take me 3 weeks to complete the course but I need $650 dollars for the enrollment.I beleive through education I can be able to help my family and return the favor back to those families that might have the same situations like me.Pls.help!!!!I assure you  that I will finish this course and make sure the money is well used for the intended purpose and promise to document the expenses that it will incur for my school.I only need $650 dollars for me to become a CNA (Certified Nursing Aid)Thank you very much,my name is Mary and my email is authentic24k@yahoo.com and God Bless You All !!!

Hi I have never done this so I am not sure how it works.My situation is I have a husband of 21 yrs who worked construction most of his life.2yrs ago he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and recently with liver cancer.We are going to lose our home because he had no insurence he has not worked in 2 yrs and we have gone thru our savings.We also got custody of our 4 yr old granddaughter and we really want to be able to keep a roof over her head.We have sold everything we have exept our home and now are close to losing it.Please if anyone knows what we can do or how and where to get help it would be a blessing.

                                                                         Thank You

I am am woman in dire need of financial  help. My husband is in prison and I am about to lose my home. I can not pay my bills because I am unable to work.So could someone please help me...I would so very much appreciate it.

                  Thank you La Trica Randolph

I am a single mother of one. My daughter is 3 and my husband o seven years has recently left me. I am unemployed and am in desperate need to raise money in order to pay my huge debts. As my daughter attends nursery only 2.5 hours a day, it is impossible for me to get a job at the time being. I also do not have any help, as my parents do not speak to me no more and I have not many friends.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!! I WOULD BE MORE THAN GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

PS: hopefully one day I'll be able to help someone in my position

I am a mother of four ages 5,13,14,and 15. I also have a 16 year old living in the home, I teach the older children at home which is a full time job, and my husband has alot of trouble with his knees so the Doc. has him off work. It is taking all the money we can gather just to pay part of the bills. We could really use some help this christmas. If any one knows where I should seek this help let me know. I have checked everthing that is local, not much out there. What ever happened to the spirt of Christmas?

: This aidpage was started as a comment on "Christmas for Kids"

I would like to have help for my children's Christmas if possible. I have 2 children, a boy, 19 years of age and a girl, 16 years of age. They are mentally disabled.  My husband is disabled also from a heart attack and I have to take him and my children to medical appointments approximately 3 to 4 times a week which prevents me from seeking employment.  So we are a low-income family.    We receive supplimental income from Social Security.  Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, sachlind

Hello everyone.  It's a little strange for me to post here.. I've always felt badly about accepting anything from anyone, even on my birthday; but my family is in a desperate situation and there is nowhere else we can turn.  My husband is a private school teacher, and the school had to give massive paycuts to their teachers when a large amount of students left the school.  We have a 6 month old baby girl, and I am unable to work because there is just no one to watch her (and I honestly don't trust anyone to out where we live)  The paycuts took place about 2 1/2 months ago and we have not been able to make our car payment, pay our phone or our electricity since then.  We do not, nor have we ever had an "extravagent" lifestyle, we are living on bare minimums and do not spend any money on unnecessary things.  My husband has been searching desperately for a second job, but since he is able to work at all, we are not eligable for federal assistance of any kind.  I will gladly trade clothes, books or anything else we have that anyone may want in exchange for help...

Many thanks~
Cassie